no one said that i couldn't talk about it.

that's why i'm doing it.

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Reasons Why I Hate My Job

I started working two months after I graduated from college. The reason why I did that? I just hated feeling like I am a burden to my family and I hate the fact that I am not doing anything that would eventually jump start a career for myself.

Up until now, I am still working at my Alma mater and I am highly grateful that my efforts are being recognized by my colleagues once in awhile. But there are just God-awful reasons why I sometimes want to quit my job and move on to another company.

Here are some of the reasons why I hate it.:

1. Low compensation- I have been working my ass off all the time and yet the company that I work for gives me below minimum wage. People have worked for the betterment of the company for almost all their lives and they are still given rates below than what they do deserve. While my batch mates are already planning trips to Puerto Galera, here I am stuck planning my meals for next week.

2. "If you can do the job, you’re in"- I don’t really know if this is an HR issue (yeah it is), but it’s quite unfair that I am assigned to a department that is not aligned to the degree I have earned after my four-year battle in college. I have been stuck on a desk-job whereas I am capable of doing lots of Psych-y stuff.

3. Siopao, abusado flavor- To date, I am the runt doing all the grunt work. And I acknowledge that. But the person who I am partnered with? She just does things that I hate. One example would be her habit of calling out my name to say something random that I do not even recognize… Or to assign tasks that aren’t exactly in my job description. Or to go on a coffee-break in the middle of a business day; most of the time when I needed help from her„, Or the fact that she cannot deal with International Students. Wala ka nang masasabi kundi, punyeta, abusado ka na ah. Di ka naman makapalag kase kapag pumalag ka baka mamatay on the spot yung gagong matanda na naguutos sayo. It’s just do frustrating. I am having a hard time cramming up the things that I need to do in one day because of her wasting my precious time.

4, The fact that I can’t quit ‘coz without my stupid job, i won’t be able to study for my Master’s degree; and damn it I want my Masters degree.- I think this one does not need any explanation at all. I speaks for itself loud and clear.

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The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think, the way they see themselves, the way they see the world — you can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create.
Chuck Palahniuk, Choke (via wilwheaton)

(Source: larmoyante, via wilwheaton)

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Jake Robert Sison Jacinto

Who is Jake? And what seems to exist between the two of us?

Here’s the story.

Jake and I met when we were in our last year in high school. He and some of his friends were mashed into our section because apparently we had the same GPA (or GWA, whatever tickles your fancy).

The first time I saw him together with his incredulously ridiculous looking friends, I hated him. He was chatty beyond belief. Oftentimes blurting out phrases which offended me and my vagina. I, at best, considered him as a pervert child, who seeks attention from the people around him. Hating him would be subverting the fact that I loathed him and what he did. I loathed him. He was a little boy.

After quite some time, our teachers, Ms. Quilang and Ms. Caluma, thought that it would be nice to make my life more miserable as it is. Ms. Caluma, with all the goodness in her heart, thought that the fishbowl method sufficed as the way of choosing our group mates for our research. It was unfortunate that I had to group with Jake (everyone from his former section claimed that my group mates and I were fortunate to have him in our group because he has the sense to write stuff in great English, whereas other groups succumbed to half-ass, garbled form of the English language). I hated funny men, so I hated him. I loathed him. Ms. Quilang then decided it was a good idea to arrange the seats, for she knew that those of us who came from Roosevelt College Quirino will never warm up to those who were originally in Roosevelt College Cubao (because they were chatty and annoying, that’s why). So she decided that we should coop up with the RCCians… And guess who I ended up being seatmates with? Yep you guessed right. Jake. 

At the time, I characterized him as having Tourette’s Syndrome. He oftentimes blurted out exclamations of obscene words or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks which made me uncomfortable. He always talked about women with punitive and lascivious connotation. He talked of “boobies”, “sex”, “jakell”  (ejaculation) and things like that. As a girl, I ultimately feared for the women who will fall for him. Little did I know that months later, I will give in to the acquired taste that was Jake Robert Sison Jacinto.

The most remarkable that I liked about him was he was damn talented. Although he would only illustrate women with boobs twice as big as the normal size, I highly appreciated his talent. His patience in drawing coupled with his passion for the art made me interested in him; despite of the fact that he weirdly wore so many bracelets and necklaces (I don’t even wear bracelets and necklaces at the time, let alone a pair of earrings). And what made me fell for him? His great sense of humor. I’d listen endlessly to all his funny quips that doesn’t make sense half the time, and still not get tired of it. He talked of 50 First Dates for one week and still I begrudgingly listened. I, being a teenager who was thoroughly convinced that he was a magical creature, looped in his surname into my signature, thoroughly convinced that he was the one for me, we’ll end marrying and we’ll live crazy weird lives together (I still sign my name with the auspicious little J at the end). I even kept a photo of him inside my wallet. For months, I looked forward to him arriving at school, readying my ears to listen to the epic stories he would tell me; preparing myself for the honor of tracing his illustrations for him.

But there was one problem. He liked another girl. He would talk how amazing that girl was for hours on end. He would talk. And I was hurt. So I decided to divert my attention to someone else. It was amazing that I had moved on from my feelings from him quite easily.

And then he liked another girl. By that time, I was thoroughly convinced that whatever it was that I felt for him will soon pass, after all everything passed by like it was nothing. 

We graduated from high school. I decided it would be best to sever whatever ties I had with my high school friends, and yes, that included Jake. We would chat up from time to time but that’s all there is to us. Jake will say Hey and I’d say What’s up?. Then we’d reminisce the past grievances (HAHAHA) that we had for each other. Then I’d log out. That’s the end of it. I never made an effort to prolong our chats. I was too busy and diluted with pride to do such a thing.

I, again, fell in and out of love with several guys (if they were men, they would not have left me strangling). And I changed because of it. I got selfish, pushy, bossy, bitchy and cold. Things that I never wanted to be. I had great times with my friends when I was in college, but it seemed that the personal connection with men that I craved so much at the time lagged behind. I oftentimes asked Jake some advice, but I never followed it anyway.

Time flied so fast, and my life was about to change yet again. And I feeling distressed about the impending future ahead, sought the help of several people in determining which path I should take. My family, though supportive of whatever it is that I should do, expected so highly of me (because I graduated with honors) and I was so scared that I will crash and burn and fail. Failure was never an option. That’s the thing I am scared of. And because of that fact, I decided it would be best to ask the people whom I trusted the most and who valued what they had to say. Jake was one of them. I was surprised that he, of all people, would take my conundrum seriously, I convincingly thought that he’ll make a laugh out of it, but he didn’t. He typed in advice which made me realize that the path that I was about to take may not be the best, but, it may bring about a brighter future for me. He became a man.

From then on, we (Jake and I) regularly corresponded with each other. From boy troubles to opinions about movies to him dating other girls, we’d talk for hours (my brother often noticed that I did, annoyed the crap out of him). In between our correspondence, I again, met several guys along the way. I was thoroughly convinced that they were the one for me. But I was wrong. The one went out with girls. I was never the same again. My feelings, though remotely hurt as they were, froze. I thought that I was never going to be someone else’s choice. That I am never good enough. I really thought that I will never love someone again.

I met another guy. My idea of perfectness was changed because of him. And most importantly, my mother liked him. He was one of a kind. I gushed how he’s (the other guy) the game-changer. I convinced myself that maybe, he’s the one for me. I was briefly in-love with the idea that someone likes the f*cked up version of who I am. I redeemed myself. It was going quite well, until he decided that it was a great idea for him to ignore me (I can be quite clingy to someone who likes me and someone who likes me back. Jake can attest to that fact). Jake and I would hang out and talk relentlessly about him, how I haven’t got a clue how I would fix the cold draft that really pursued what was going on between the two of us.

I got so self-centered and focused on my own puny love problems that I failed to notice that Jake was brewing up feelings for me. He kind of dropped hints that I deliberately ignored, because I knew deep down that I wanted to stay friends with him. He would say that we (by we, he meant the two of us) were awesome together. That we were partners in crime. We would plan scenarios involving our other friends. He sent me links to songs that assured that no one’s gonna love me more than he did. He offered me his own jacket because I got cold. He went from being my buddy, to being someone else entirely foreign to me. Then he told me (I though he was drunk) that I was perfect in his eyes, and he liked me. To be honest I was confused of what I will do. To reciprocate the feelings he had for me meant something else other than friendship… To stop those feelings might create a rift between us and that will cost the great chemistry that we have as friends. After giving it much thought, I realized Hey might as well give this a shot. After all, he’s such a great guy. 

And then, that was it. I let myself go. The reservoir of feelings that I’ve kept frozen all these years just melted. No, let me correct myself… It’s as if, I never had the reservoir at all. I never felt so genuinely happy in a long time. I cannot explain the high that I get every single time that I hang out with him. The loss that I feel whenever I see his back turned away whenever I am to part and ride the jeep on my way home. the elation that I get whenever I read and re-read the text messages or the PMs he send me on a daily basis. The assurance the he loved me, he loves me and he will love me for the rest of my life. 

We still have a long way to go. We both have issues we need to fix; problems we need to face; decisions we need to make. We both still have stories to tell. But I must admit would certainly be perfect to ultimately add -acinto to the pending that’s on my signature all these years.

To infinity and beyond Jakey baby. I love you. <3